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The Political Orphanage

Ep 96 | How to Make Partisan Hacks Nervous | Guest: Dan Fishman

The Political Orphanage

Andrew Heaton

Politics, Comedy, News

4.91000 Ratings

🗓️ 8 April 2019

⏱️ 39 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Every election, we're told we can either vote for the lesser of two besuited sociopaths or throw our vote away on a doomed third-party candidate. (At which point, you may well spoil the election for everyone.) Dan Fishman is the incoming executive director of the Libertarian Party, and he has a solution for shifting our elections away from exercises in fear and hate toward logic and values. 

Transcript

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0:00.0

Hello and welcome to Something's Off with Andrew Heaton. I'm your host Andrew Heaton and I think you have kind eyes. I look at you and go, there's a person who's laughed a lot and cried a lot.

0:22.0

And the program today is brought to you by razor-tipped wind turbines

0:29.8

from Sky Blades. There's nothing that spruces up a horizon like the majestic engineering of an American wind turbine,

0:38.0

twisting in the sky like the penwheel of a giant.

0:42.0

Those wind turbines aren't just scenic. They're also a very clever way to make use of renewable energy.

0:48.0

But there's one major problem, don't you think? The blades on non-name-brand wind turbines are horrificly dull. You might as

0:56.2

well strap some butter knives to an old fan belt for all the good they'll do you.

1:00.5

Fortunately, the good people at Skyblades line their wind turbines with extra sharp razor blades,

1:08.0

which can chop up even the toughest clouds, whether they're cumulus, cirrus, or asparitas, razor-tipped wind turbines mince those

1:16.3

clouds up like an axe murderer. And that's not all. You'll win the acclaim of friends and

1:22.3

neighbors alike.

1:23.0

Your progressive friends will be impressed that you're helping the planet

1:26.0

by lowering your carbon footprint through alternative energy.

1:29.0

But your conservative friends will be even more impressed by just how many geese that thing can

1:34.8

kill. If Zeus had a buzz saw, this would be it. A flock of geese goes in one side and

1:41.2

pooh, feathers and confetti blast out the other.

1:44.2

And if you like Goose Guts stew,

1:46.7

just plop some buckets down around the base

1:48.8

of your wind turbine and turn on the oven.

1:53.4

Now depending on just how many geese you're trying to kill,

1:56.3

you might need to crank the wind turbine up to five or six hundred

1:59.2

rpms which will necessitate plugging it into your home power grid.

...

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