Well, if the polls are correct, Joe Biden stands a good chance of soon becoming the former

president of the United States.

To solidify his hopes of announcing his resignation from the highest office in the land, Biden

has unveiled the Biden agenda for women.

In a statement written in drool and released to a particularly large cockroach in the corner

of his basement, Biden said, quote, it's a disgrace that this country treats women unfairly

when they make the place look so attractive and just smell incredibly great.

When you come up behind them and stick your nose deep deep in their velvety hair and then

take a great big sniff.

It's like a rocket ship to heaven and yet they still make less per hour of answering the

phone than a man makes for parachuting into a burning oil rig and fighting the fire until

he dies.

So today I'm announcing the Biden agenda for women, which of course is not my personal

agenda for women, which is a fantasy that would blow your socks off.

But that nice lady named Jill who follows me around all the time says, I'm not supposed

to talk about that.

And it's possible she's my wife, assuming I'm the same person I was yesterday, unquote,

speaking to the family dog who may or may not be a plush toy, Biden listed the agenda's

provision saying, quote, one, we will tackle health care inequities.

It's completely unfair that women come down with diseases, men don't even get like their

periods and that thing where they cry all the time and won't listen to reason.

B, we will end violence against women by issuing an executive order, telling people if you're

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