The following may contain satire that will offend absolutely everyone.

I want to apologize in advance for the fact that I don't care.

Leftist radicals have released a new manifesto declaring their righteous purposes and destroying

everything and terrorizing everybody.

In a statement painted and made believe blood on the wall of an immigrant shop, the radicals

selflessly set aside the important business of their day, which was painting on the walls

of other shops, in order to make known the beautiful future that awaits the smoldering

ruin of the country.

The statement reads, quote, we have the resistance demand that nobody puts up any resistance,

so we can continue to be the resistance without meeting any resistance.

We are dedicated to pushing forward a socialist agenda by gaining support from the CEOs of

multi-billion dollar international corporations who make an absolute fortune putting out books

and movies and statements in support of our agenda while they sit on their yachts waiting

for us to become homeless and die.

We radicals demand inclusiveness by excluding anyone who is not like us and seek diversity

by ensuring that everyone thinks the same thing and demand freedom by forcing everyone

to agree with everything we say.

We believe in defunding the police because black lives matter.

And yes, when there are no police, there will be many fewer black lives, but just think

how much no matter because they'll be exactly those black lives who are being arrested by

the police for taking all the other black lives.

We believe in pulling down statues of white people and black people and elks and anyone

...