Hello and welcome to Something's Off with Andrew Heaton. I'm your host Andrew Heaton and I borrowed your lawnmower without asking. I'm sorry.

I filled it up with gas and I put it back in your garage. Let's just put this whole

thing behind us. And the program you're listening to is brought to you by

Flip-Flop's resort on St. Murray Island, situated conveniently between Cuba and the disputed regions of the Florida Keys, it's an easy

and cheap place to soak up some sunshine with your family.

Flip-flops resort has 24-hour room service, hot tubs, wind surfing, and of course, indoor and outdoor pools.

But some of the best things are the day trips you can do from there.

For example, you are a 20 minute shuttle ride from Pirate Sockett Lagoon with its stunning white sands and crystal clear water.

Not only can you see Starfish and man arrays and whatnot, you have an excellent chance of seeing a pod of bottlenose dolphins.

Now if you do see those dolphins, a few words to the wise.

First, I'm not sure why, but the dolphins that hang about at St. Murray are hyper aggressive and

just absurdly territorial. In order to qualify for adulthood and to mate, every dolphin has to drown an elderly human or someone else.

Sort of like a gang initiation. Now, I know that sounds scary, but don't worry.

You can earn dolphin protection more or less the

same way you would with an angry neighbor dog by giving it a treat.

So if a dolphin swims up to you and it looks aggressive just toss it a little packet of cocaine

because most of them are addicted to it and it'll just leave you right alone.

But never ever go swimming in Pirate Sockett Lagoon without some cocaine and a handgun.

If you do, you're just asking to be drowned by one of these angry dolphins.

Now I don't want to spell this next part out too much because it's a delicate subject but dolphins are sexual

creatures and at times violent creatures. The good news is they only assault

men. The bad news is that they do it a lot. So if you're a male, don't wear gray swim

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