New York has unveiled its new reopening plan called transitioning into some vague semblance

of competence.

Although the plan is intended to echo Donald Trump's theme of transitioning into greatness,

New York officials will not be looking to restore the economy or bring New Yorkers'

lives back to normal, but will instead simply aim to stop slaughtering people's grandparents

and large numbers while saying indefensibly stupid stuff they have to retract hours later.

Senator Andrew Cuomo announced that the transitioning into some vague semblance of competence

plan will be launched at a large gathering of nursing home residents and Chinese virus

sufferers.

In the hopes that a show of togetherness will ease any hard feelings about that time,

he forced nursing homes to take the virus sufferers in, thus causing the deaths of thousands.

After the launch party and the resulting funerals, New York will have to a grand reopening

of the subway system, heralded by make-believe music on invisible guitars, played by homeless

schizophrenics, moving from car to car, asking passengers for money, as the passengers packed

tightly together in the narrow space, try to edge away from the beggars without actually

having sex with the person next to them.

Restaurants will also be reopened, although each diner will have to sit a minimum of three

blocks away from their companion, unless it's their spouse, then it's four blocks.

To facilitate that, restaurants will be allowed to set up tables in the middle of the larger

boulevards, although customers will have to clean up after themselves if they should

be hit by a bus.

In a speech made to the mountain of corpses he keeps seen in his dreams for some reason,

...