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Slack.com slash DHQ. The New York Times, a former newspaper, has issued a pamphlet on how

to cover stories about sexual misbehavior. The pamphlet reads, as follows. When conservative

Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh was accused of having attacked a woman while in his

teens, we covered the story in a very thorough, careful fit of unreasoning hatred in hysteria.

We reported any plausible accusation whether it was that Kavanaugh had murdered a series

of teenagers in a 40-year coast-to-coast kill-spray, or that Madame Ospin Skye, the palm reader

from Queens, had had a vision in which Kavanaugh boiled into voward a female child as a college

prank. In the same way, when Democrat presidential candidate Joe Biden was accused of sexually

assaulting a woman 27 years ago, when he was 70, we remained silent for 19 days, and ran

an Easter Sunday story on page 20, explaining away the charges.

For some reason, some of our readers have become confused about the standards by which we

report on these important stories. So, to clarify, we are publishing our official guidelines.

First, believe all women, then suddenly stop without warning, then make up excuses for

why you did before and don't now, then start up again later whenever it's convenient.

Second, the time when men can sexually assault women with impunity has ended, then it

briefly started up again in approximately 1993, and now it's ended again unless something

comes up and then we'll let you know. Third, from now on, the Me Too movement has been

...