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President Barack Obama has endorsed Joe Biden for president. The endorsement comes after

Bernie Sanders dropped out, Tulsi Gabbard became mathematically impossible and a potted

plant with a sign hung on it saying, vote for me was run over by and out of control for

Clift. In a speech made in an irritating, self-satisfied voice that was almost impossible

to tolerate, Obama said, quote, I am pleased and proud to have no choice but to endorse

the last person left in the race. Picking Joe Biden as my vice president was the best decision

I ever made, which already isn't saying much since I'm the guy who decided to give a

ran $150 billion and a nuclear bomb. All the same, picking Joe was better than my decision

to have rocky road ice cream served for dessert at the White House on Thursdays. Although

come to think of it, that was pretty tasty, so maybe picking Joe was my second best decision.

Unquote.

Obama may have gone on to praise Biden's character, but after a while that voice of his

just sounded so much like an alien rhinoceros apologizing to Arabian tyrants for our traditions

and history that most Americans zoned out and aren't entirely sure what all the guy

said. When it again became possible to listen to that ceaselessly depressing drone, Obama

told the nation quote, with Joe Biden, we will turn away from a divisive politics of

...