Captain, we've been scanning the Cardassian border for 12 hours.

There's no sign of any Cardassian warships or Gem-Hadar ships or anything of the sort.

I think we're okay.

Very good.

I mean, we're pretty far out.

I mean, we're on the, like, the back corner of the border.

Well, continue scanning. Let me know if anything changes. Like, if they were coming this way, it'd be like a long trip for them to go around to the Federation space. Still, we have to keep our guard up. We are close enough that it could happen. Right. Conceivably. All right. Commander, you have the bridge. I'll be in my ready room. All right, I've got the bridge. Okay. You got this, Commander? I'm good. I just... Patrol job, though. Yeah, patrol. It's like we're in a proper war, right? We could get attacked by Cardassians or Gem Hadar. I can't handle a lot of what I'm feeling right now.

Do you need to be excused?

Are you doing okay?

If I may, Rita?

Yes, you may.

I feel like this whole Cardassian thing has kind of gotten you all worked up because of your whole Bajoran thing.

Like, it's not just a thing. Like, it's not, it's not, it's not, like, my thing. It's not like a thing. But, like, it's not like a thing. It's like, it's like my life. It's like my... I mean, communications and being a majoran, those are your things. Right, and, like, what's the primary defining thing of being a Bajjoran? You were once ruled and oppressed by the Kardashians.

I spent a lot of time in a Kardashian camp, and that's like a little bit more than a thing.

I mean a capital T thing.

Okay, you know what? I do want to be excused. I'm just going to eat my feelings.

Something I couldn't really do when I was being oppressed by the Kardashians. You couldn't just snack. I've got some hams that I've smoked, if you'd like. Yes, I'd like a smoked ham, please. Rick, you're also excused to get rid of the hams out of your quarters. Oh, I have one under my chair. What? Yeah, here. Yeah, some people are prepared.

Yeah, I just bring it, you know, when you smoke hams in your quarter, sometimes you just take a ham around in case there's a ham emergency.

I thought I was imagining that smell, yes?

I think you might want to excuse me as well so that I can do some wingman relationship repairing for you because you really screwed up just now. What? What are you talking about? You called it a thing. I don't know. Her Bajoran thing. You called it a thing. I know it's a thing. It's her thing. Right. It's like her main thing. Right. It's her number one thing. You shouldn't. Actually, it's her number two thing. you're right that is her her, okay. The communications thing. Yeah. But you shouldn't call it a thing. And I think you need to excuse me so that I can go talk to Rita over a smoke to him. All right, I really feel like I was very good there. I gave her some time off. We talked about her thing. But fine. I'm gonna defer to your hundreds of years of experience.

Yeah, you can't learn this stuff just by reading a manual, you know?

Acting Dr. Lippley to the bridge?

...