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Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has announced he now has enough votes to set the rules

for an impeachment trial. As those of you without anything more important to do may remember,

House Democrats impeached President Donald Trump for some damn thing or other, then said

the Pledge of Allegiance and made speeches about how urgent everything was and finally went

home for the holidays and put the whole thing out of their minds because really who cares.

The Democrats have since refused to send the articles of impeachment to the Senate for

trial because they're kind of embarrassed, but McConnell says if they ever get around

to whatever it is they're up to instead of governing, he'll be ready with rules. The

rules for the trial will include, when the articles of impeachment are first introduced,

there will be no laughing at the fact that they don't even charge Trump with any crimes,

although some smirking will be tolerated and senior Republicans will be permitted to

roll their eyes and snort quietly. Every time says the word you crane, lawmakers will

drink a shot of whiskey until they either pass out or start to talk like Joe Biden,

whichever comes first. If Democrats senators declare that any of this nonsense represents

some sort of constitutional crisis, Republican senators will not be permitted to grab their

crutches and shout constitutional crisis this, although if they drop their trousers and

...