Democrats have now settled on two articles of impeachment.

The first is that the president did something or other, and some place no one's heard of,

and the second is that when the Democrats wanted to impeach him for it, he wouldn't leave

office.

The Democrats decided on these shattering accusations after testing other possible charges

with a focus group scientifically composed of two people who wandered in off the street,

a stuffed panda, and a pineapple with a face painted on it.

Among the other possible accusations, the Democrats tested with the focus group where Trump

makes everyone nervous by saying things we disagree with in a loud voice.

Trump doesn't back down when we call him names, and Trump is a mean old poop-o-face.

They also tested out the charges that Trump is president when Democrats want someone else

to be president, and that Trump has made it harder to make minorities feel bitter and

dependent, which just isn't fair since that's the Democrats' entire campaign strategy.

The focus groups seemed to agree that Trump was indeed a poop-o-face when Adam Schiff

made the stuffed panda nodded his head and the two street people raised their hands into

the air, although that may have been because Jerry Nadler told them there were invisible

fairies flying around a few feet above them.

However, the general consensus was that the Democrats should stick with charges that

contained words like abuse and obstruction because that sounded all legal and stuff.

Looking to the future, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi outlined the Democrats' plans, saying

they would first shame face-at-ly vote on the articles of impeachment, trying as hard

as they could to look like they believed them, then they plan to watch those charges get

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