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Slack.com slash DHQ. The House Judiciary Committee will take up the impeachment hearings

tomorrow and I know you're every bit as excited about that as I am. House Democrats decided

to go forward with the hearings despite messages written on the Capitol walls in lipstick, saying,

please stop me before I make an even bigger fool of myself. The messages were unsigned,

but sources say Congressman Adam Schiff arrived at work not wearing lipstick, which they

say may be a clue. The current hearings will be chaired by Gerald Nadler, whose warm, charming

personality reminds many people of a favorite uncle from their youth who mysteriously disappeared

after a little sister locked herself in the bathroom and called the police. Nadler says

his first witness will be an executive from the Akmi impeachment company, who will explain

why their previous impeachment machine caused Democrats to be chased out of a tunnel by

an oncoming train. Until they smashed into the side of a cliff and were flattened to

the width of a sheet of paper before slipping through a crack in the ground to where they'd

hidden an explosive device, which then went off and blew them sky high, their tails on

fire and their faces blackened, whereupon they looked down and realized they were hovering

in mid-air and plunged several miles to the earth below where they vanished in a puff

of dust. Otherwise Democrats say the impeachment machine worked great and they'd like to order

three more of them. Other witnesses will include a real live law professor who will testify

...