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Slack.com slash DHQ. As many of you may have noticed, the country is divided. For those

of you who haven't noticed, the country is divided. On one side is a revolutionary movement

to eradicate the sins of the past by replacing them with slavery, poverty and perpetual rage.

On the other side are people wondering why no one will just leave them alone. To find

common ground, we as Americans must learn how to discuss the issues. We must learn to do

this as Americans because if we do it as Armenians or Lithuanians, we'll just look

ridiculous and have no idea what we're saying. So today, in an attempt to restore the

national spirit of bright goodwill that used to exist in a few random Disney movies, I

would like to offer some helpful tips on how to have a political debate. Tip number one.

Always try to remember that reasonable people will disagree. But if they disagree with you,

they're hateful bigots who are trying to destroy everything that is good and true about

this disgusting racist country. And that's not who we are. The best way to get them to

see the light is to lean your face very close into theirs and scream accusations at them

until someone in authority comes along and fires them. Then everything will be better.

Tip number two. Don't forget, no matter how passionately you may believe in something,

there are two sides to every issue. Your side and the side that you and a hundred other

people wearing masks and armed with batons are chasing across campus so that you can terrorize

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