For those of you who missed the debate last night and were instead watching the final

episode of Jane the Virgin in which Jane and Raphael resolved their love affair in a wonderful

conclusion full of laughter and tears and a closing scene that made my heart swell, let

me fill you in on what you would have seen if you were watching the debate like I was

instead of Jane the Virgin, which really was terrific.

At the debate, there were a lot of Democrats standing on a stage apparently, and I think

one of them was Joe Biden or somebody, and then there were some other people, and they

were all telling us about the great things the Democrats were going to do as soon as

they could get their hands on all our money and how that was going to cut costs, although

not for us of course because all our money would be gone, but at least everything would

be free for someone else who snuck into the country illegally, but not in a breaking

law sort of a legally way, but in a different a legally way where we have to give them

stuff because otherwise we'd be mean and that's not who we are for some reason.

But then all our healthcare would be free, which is a good thing since the Democrats would

have all our money so it's not like we could pay for it and buy us free things with all

our money will apparently strike a blow against the evil corporations who somehow have gotten

their hands on all the medicine and iPhones and stuff and are making us pay for them instead

of giving them to us for free, which will need them to do because the Democrats will have

all our money.

Then everyone agreed Trump was racist and if they could just get rid of him, they would

turn the whole country into a wonderful, wonderful place like Baltimore.

And Jane and Raphael, the happily ever after.

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