Robert Mueller has testified before the House Judiciary Committee today,

earlier this morning, a Volkswagen pulled into the Capitol Rotunda and onlookers watched with

the light and wonder as all 235 congressional Democrats poured out of the car until committee

chairman Jerry Nadler finally emerged wearing a baggy polka dot outfit, gigantic shoes,

white makeup and a fright wig, and announced to reporters that he did not want the hearing

to turn into some kind of circus. In a statement made by honking his nose and Morse code,

Nadler announced, quote, we know that people have read the Mueller report, we know that they've

seen the movie, we know that they watched the miniseries, read the graphic novel, and received

excerpts, we stuffed into their fortune cookies and printed on their rolls of toilet paper.

But have they really had the information pumped directly into their brains through electric wires

until they cried out an agony and promised never to vote for someone we elitist dislike ever again.

Unquote. Nadler then was chased away from the microphones by Adam Schiff, who squirted him with

water from a gigantic flower, then through a confetti bomb at him, thus eliciting squeals of laughter

from every five-year-old present plus the freshman congresswoman from Queens. Schiff then made a

elaborate faces through his pancake makeup and told reporters, quote, before this hearing,

I disgraced myself and shamed my constituents by leveling unsubstantiated charges against the

president without any evidence whatsoever. And since every single one of those charges was

proven untrue by Mueller's investigation, I thought it important. I return here today to

disgrace myself and shame my constituents by leveling unsubstantiated charges against the president.

Nyak-nyak, get it? Unquote. Schiff then amazed the crowd by balancing on a barrel and rolling

around the rotunda while spinning a plate on a stick. Democrats promised the hearing will astound

and amaze ladies, gentlemen, and boys and girls of all ages who will not believe how long

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