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Slack.com slash DHQ. For those of you who thought there could be nothing more boring or

meaningless than soccer, it now turns out there's such a thing as soccer played by women.

And get this, though women who play soccer or saying they should be paid more. Now, yes,

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, oh, Claven, you mischievous rap scallion, we

can always count on your impish sense of fun to bring a little spark of joy and merriment

to our humdrum lives with some wacky shenanigans. But no, actually, I'm serious. There really

is such a thing as soccer played by women and the women are complaining because they're

women. That's what they do. Apparently, these adorable little darlings run up and down

a field wearing fetching little shorts and kicking a ball with their tiny delicate feet

because, of course, being ladies, they're far too dainty to pick the ball up with their

hands like ordinary people. And this goes on for who knows, hours probably if anyone took

the time to pay attention. And every now and again, the ball goes into some kind of net

contraption and the gals jump up and down and make those cute, shrieky noises they make.

And everyone pretends to be excited for them before going back to doing whatever they

were doing. And now, and really, I'm not making this up, these girls say they want to be

paid like actual men playing real sports. And don't get me wrong. Women's soccer draws

in almost as much money as your normal paper route. So it's not like I think they should

...