4.8 • 22.5K Ratings
🗓️ 9 July 2019
⏱️ 52 minutes
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0:00.0 | Eric Swalwell has left the Democrat presidential race, which means the field has been reduced |
0:05.3 | to everyone except Eric Swalwell, who once declared IMU, which means that by leaving the |
0:10.2 | race, all of us have left the race and the field is empty. |
0:13.7 | This means that everyone and no one are running for the Democrat presidential nomination |
0:17.7 | at the same time. |
0:19.0 | An existential paradox which scientists say could either destroy the universe or reduce |
0:23.6 | the Democrats to a party of toxic, America-hating socialists spinning out completely unworkable |
0:28.8 | ideas while viciously accusing one another of thought crimes against their radical dismantling |
0:34.1 | of universal human norms. |
0:36.2 | In other words, things would remain pretty much the same as they are now, and Swalwell |
0:39.7 | leaving the race will have no effect on anything. |
0:42.5 | Swalwell said he had decided to step down to do something more useful than running for |
0:46.0 | president, like for instance digging a big hole in the ground, throwing in all his supporters |
0:50.2 | money, and then setting it on fire in order to roast marshmallows. |
0:53.8 | Swalwell said that way he would at least get some roasted marshmallows out of burning |
0:57.5 | all his supporters money. |
0:59.4 | Swalwell says now that he's out of the race, his proposals will no longer take effect, |
1:03.7 | and he will be returning all the guns he confiscated in his imagination. |
1:07.8 | Gun owners were grateful to have their imaginary guns returned to them and said as a result, |
1:11.8 | they would stop imagining shooting Eric Swalwell and anyone else who imagines taking their |
1:15.8 | guns. |
1:17.0 | Some gun owners said they had already imagined staging a second American revolution in |
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