Leftist scientists working around the clock

have developed powerful new tools for altering reality.

In a speech to the Society for the Promulgation

of Irrational Historia, Leftwing physicist Dr.

Heraldo von Zippity-Nudel told the gathering of empty chairs,

he can now confirm that writing a statement five times

over in all capital letters and posting it on Twitter

transforms that statement no matter how absurd into the truth.

In an experiment that has been reduplicated

in multiple peer-reviewed imaginations,

scientists posted the words, trans women or women,

five times in all caps on their Twitter feeds,

and discovered from that time forth,

men who wore dresses not only became real women,

but were actually able to conceive and bear children

if no one looked too closely.

In a transcript of the speech released

through UCLA's Office of Collecting Undeserved Pagex

by repeatedly using the word diversity,

Dr. von Zippity-Nudel said, quote,

the key to changing reality through repetitive Twitter

capitalization or RTC is to ensure

...