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Federal authorities have charged a large number of wealthy elites with bribing, lying and

cheating their way into top-notch universities in a scam going back approximately 250

years. US Attorney Sam Gullible says the FBI became suspicious when they realized that

many supposedly educated elites didn't have the faintest idea what they were doing, and

despite their fancy clothes and overwhelming self-certainty were basically as stupid

as blocks of wood. In announcing the charges to a bar room full of former FBI officials,

Attorney Gullible said, quote, all this time, we in the deep state have been breaking

every rule of law and decency to keep credentialed little elites in power. And it turns out

the credentialed elites had already broken every rule of law and decency just to become

credentialed elites. As a federal officer, it almost makes me feel a little guilty about

all that Trump-Russia stuff we made up.

Among the charges, leveled at the elites are accusations that they game the system to

get undeserving elite students into places that had been reserved for undeserving minorities.

Special Asian lands, clueless, told reporters, quote, instead of coveted places at high-profile

schools going to someone like Elizabeth Warren, they could have gone to some dopey Native

American who didn't deserve them just as much as she didn't.

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