Ep. 664: Hell Phone Calls with Tom Scharpling

Jordan, Jesse, GO!

Jesse Thorn

Society & Culture, Comedy, Tv & Film

4.8 • 3.4K Ratings

🗓️ 27 November 2020

⏱️ 84 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Broadcasting legend Tom Scharpling (The Best Show, Double Threat ) joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of how Jordan has developed a taste for three dollar pear, Tom's targeted ads on Instagram for donut shops and Halloween masks, and Tom's piping hot take of how C-3PO is a worse Star Wars character than even Jar Jar Binks.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free.
0:05.3	Under the locks and throw away the keys and take coffee shoes and sex and run you.
0:10.7	It's Jordan, Jesse go. I'm the green grocer, Jesse Thorn.
0:14.4	Jordan Morris, boy, detective.
0:16.7	It's that sum of season, Jordan. That's why I chose the name of the green grocer.
0:20.9	They're back. They're back. Citrus.
0:22.8	It's the top citrus. There was a momentary heel turn where I switched to the sumo or decopon.
0:29.0	But they're too expensive and you have to go get them at Whole Foods.
0:32.0	Oh, sure.
0:33.0	If you're not driving past the Asian grocery, so I don't want to buy a...
0:38.8	I don't want to spend $4 or $3 on a single fruit.
0:42.4	No, man. I actually have now developed a taste for a certain $3 pair.
0:48.1	Oh, shit.
0:50.6	I saw these pairs the other day and I'm like, oh, that's a boy.
0:55.1	And they were so impressive. They were just huge. It was an absolute unit, as the kids say.
1:00.0	Yeah.
1:01.0	And I'm like, that's a great looking pair. It's an absolute unit.
1:04.5	And I got it. I'm like, give me two pairs.
1:07.5	And then the pair man charged me $6.
1:11.5	And then I drove home mad and then I ate the fucking pair.
1:14.6	I cut the pair up mad and like, fuck this.
1:17.2	And then I ate the pair and I'm like, well, I guess I'm factoring this into the budget.
	...

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