It's time to take a look at the latest Democrat candidates for president.

Among the frontrunners so far is Bernie Sanders, who announced his new campaign slogan forward

into the past.

The sprightly 77-year-old Stalinist dramatized his entry into the race by taking a campaign

worker into the cellar and shooting him in the back of the head to remind the public

how things were done back in the Soviet Union when he was honeymooning there during his

youth.

Sanders is running on a platform of destroying the American economy and creating a new

American life of bread lines and drudgery until the inevitable collapse into chaos.

Another Democrat hopeful is Senator Kamala Harris, who announced her candidacy with an

all-girl sleepover with a group of gigalined CNN reporters during which they tried on

some cute clothes, smoked some dope, and dished the dirt on whether party Muck-A-Muck

Willie Brown was good in bed when he cheated on his wife, slept with Kamala, and then gave

her coveted political appointments.

Harris also released her music mood tape before detailing her platform of universal free

poverty, saying that every American had a right to live on a street paved with homeless

people with at least one cap to cook for dinner in every trash fire that kept them warm.

Third in line is Senator Elizabeth Warren, whose campaign slogan is, I'm not lying about

my ancestry anymore.

Warren announced her candidacy with a touching speech about how her mommy and pop-aw would

sit around the campfire under the totem pole, telling the kids tales about their struggle

to get married amidst all the prejudice against Native Americans, which they'd heard about

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