The chairman of the California State Senate Judiciary Committee, Hannah Beth Jackson,

says gendered pronouns will no longer be used during committee hearings.

I am not making this up.

Jackson said, and I swear this is a real quote.

The world is a different place.

My grammar teachers long gone and we won't be hearing from her from them from they, unquote.

Jackson said the new rule was intended to bring the Judiciary Committee into line with

the rest of California State government by having it run under the stupidest rules ever

devised by man or woman or undifferentiated, sexless, it-creature.

To accomplish that, Jackson said, committee members would not only be forbidden to mention

the existence of gender, but would be forced to deny other immutable facts of life as

well.

For instance, committee members will no longer be allowed to refer to the fact that government

actions cost money, but instead will be required to call them free, as in free healthcare

or free college, or free to live on the street and crap on the sidewalk while screaming

at the voices from Saturn being piped into your head through your dental fillings.

In the event that a committee member should break the rules and mention that all of these

things actually come at a considerable cost, said member will be forced to pay a fine,

which will be funded by the public's tax dollars and will therefore be free.

Other facts of life that will become unmentionable will be the difference between legal and illegal

immigrants, especially in instances where an illegal immigrant murders an innocent American,

which will now be referred to as, quote, an act of compassion for suffering refugees,

...