EP 642: How Disorganized Attachment (Fearful Avoidant) Is Keeping You Stuck in Relationships, And How to Heal It
Let’s Get Vulnerable: Relationship and Dating Advice
Dr. Morgan Anderson
4.7 • 1.2K Ratings
🗓️ 13 April 2026
⏱️ 42 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
If you've ever found yourself desperately craving closeness with someone and then panicking the moment you actually get it, this episode is for you. We're in part three of our four-part series on attachment styles across relationship development, and today we're diving deep into disorganized attachment (also known as fearful avoidant), the style that doesn't get nearly enough attention. This is also my own attachment style, y'all, and if I can heal it, I truly believe you can too.
Inside the Episode:
- Why your nervous system learned that love = danger
- What disorganized attachment actually looks like across each stage of a relationship
- Why healing starts with you, not with finding the right person
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🔗 Additional Episode Links:
- Take the Free Attachment Style Quiz → https://drmorgancoaching.com/quiz
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Welcome to the Let's Get Vulnerable podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Morgan Anderson, psychologist, relationship coach, attachment theory expert, creator of the ESL relationship method, author of Love Magnet and Athletic Wear Connoisseur. My mission is to help you raise yourself worth, have great relationships, and step confidently into the next level of your life. |
| 0:22.3 | Each week, two episodes will air featuring expert advice, live coaching, and tips, showing you |
| 0:28.4 | exactly how to improve your life and attract a healthy relationship. You deserve to feel empowered, |
| 0:34.8 | secure, and love. Buckle up and Let's Get Vulnerable. |
| 0:41.9 | Welcome to the Let's Get Vulnerable podcast. |
| 0:44.9 | I'm your host, Dr. Morgan. |
| 0:46.4 | This is part three of our four-part series |
| 0:49.9 | where we've been looking at the attachment styles |
| 0:52.5 | across relationship development. |
| 0:56.0 | Today's episode will be particularly interesting, I think very, very helpful to a lot of you. |
| 1:04.5 | We are looking at disorganized attachment style, also known as Fearful Avoidant. This attachment style does not get talked |
| 1:14.4 | about enough, and I am so excited to dive into today's episode. So let's get into it. Have you ever |
| 1:21.5 | been in a relationship yourself where you feel like I really, really want to be close to someone. |
| 1:29.5 | I don't want this relationship to ever end. I really want to be near this person. I really want |
| 1:35.4 | this relationship to work. But then as soon as you get close to that person and the intimacy |
| 1:40.8 | is deepening and the connection is building, |
| 1:49.2 | you find something in you that causes you to pull away, |
| 1:54.8 | to sabotage, to distance yourself, to shut down, right? |
| 1:57.7 | If you have gone through that experience, |
| 2:04.3 | you may have disorganized attachment, right? This is where you are simultaneously craving closeness, craving intimacy, and you're also terrified of it. It is that push-pull dynamic where |
| 2:13.7 | you're getting really, really close and then pulling away. |
| 2:18.3 | And this is where I see so many people really struggle in relationships. |
... |
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