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Slack.com slash DHQ. In keeping with predictions in the New York Times

that global warming had put an end to snow, a massive blizzard buried the New York Times

through the weekend, causing a rampant increase in the number of facts reported throughout

the country. At the same time, the snowfall brought the federal government to a halt, causing

big business to come under attack from innovative small companies who were suddenly unregulated.

Meanwhile, poor people panicked when they realized there were now no federal government

entitlements to encourage them to live mediocre half-lives on the dole, and they immediately

began to act responsibly and work harder in order to build better futures for themselves

and their children. Just before the snowfall began, the federal government had been doing

the important business of making our problems worse so it could argue that we needed the

federal government to make them better, so they could make them worse, so they could

argue they would make them better, so they could make them worse. After the snow shut

the government down, senators and congressmen no longer needed to tend to those important

activities so they had more time to spend with their families, time which they put to

good use by sleeping with their mistresses and mail pages, and then crying softly into

their whiskey glasses. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie said it was childish to make

jokes about the blizzard seen as it had caused deaths and destruction. The governor was so upset

...