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Slack.com slash DHQ. In Trapid, federal investigators continue their deep dive into every aspect of

President Trump's existence in their efforts to find Russian collusion, or some other

made-up thing that will magically erase the last election. So far, they've managed to

uncover the fact that President Trump paid off several beautiful women to say they didn't

sleep with him when they did, as opposed to most of us guys who would have paid them to

say they did sleep with us when they didn't. Former Washington Post reporter Carl, this

is worse than Watergate Bernstein, told reporters, quote, this is worse than Watergate. For years,

Donald Trump flew under the radar, pretending he was a self-effacing, quiet living family

man when all the while he was actually a billionaire playboy. When the public finds this out, impeachment

will be the only option. Federal investigators have now moved on to explore even murkier

depths of the president's wrongdoing. Sources tell CNN, who tell sources, their sources, say

that sources are telling CNN that special counsel Robert Mueller is now looking into whether

Trump lied when he recently said that his administration was the best administration

in American history. According to NBC legal analyst Crackpot McSillyface, since Trump

made this statement while an episode of law and order was playing on a nearby TV, it

would constitute an act of perjury according to the laws of Grand Fenwick, a country from

the hilarious comic novel The Mouse that Roared and who didn't enjoy that endearing classic.

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