Well, the midterm elections are tomorrow and you know what that means and neither do I.

But with the polls fluctuating all over the place and the actual results are unknowable,

it's important for us to make ignorant predictions that reflect nothing but our own biases

and are generally manufactured with the nefarious intention of controlling the actions of people

too stupid to realize we have no idea what we're talking about.

I'm not sure why this is important, but it must be because everyone on TV is doing it,

so let's get started. In order to bring you the very best useless and unfounded predictions out

there, we at the Daily Wire have canvas some of the most expert experts in predicting coming events

that are impossible to predict. Cracks CNN, a malgamation of human body parts,

Jim Acosta told us, quote, the important thing this election day is that everyone should be

looking at me because I'm Jim Acosta. To that end, I will be shouting, insulting, and meaningless

questions in public officials and then making outrageous accusations into camera with a very serious

face. I predict everyone everywhere will be looking at me then because I'm Jim Acosta.

Unquote. Moving to NBC, once respected journalist Chuck Todd responded to our questions by running

around in circles, screaming in a high-pitched voice while waving his hands wildly around in the air.

Not sure what that means, but it's pretty typical for NBC, so maybe we shouldn't be overly concerned.

Finally, we contacted Genius Polster Nate Silver, who says there is a 15% chance,

they'll have to explain why his 85% chance was 79% accurate even though it was 96% wrong,

so I'll have at least a 67% chance of continuing to pick up a paycheck even though he's 100%

in the dark just like everyone else. So there you have it. We hope these completely disposable

predictions will cause you to do something stupid that will cost your candidate the election,

unless we agree with you and then the reverse. Whatever, we're just filling time to leave vote.

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