EP 605: Disorganized Attachment Explained: Nervous System Chaos, Identity Fragmentation & Healing (Attachment Style SOS Series – Part 3)

Let’s Get Vulnerable: Relationship and Dating Advice

Dr. Morgan Anderson

Mental Health, Relationships, Society & Culture, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness, Education

4.6 • 1.1K Ratings

🗓️ 1 December 2025

⏱️ 54 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Welcome back to the Attachment Style SOS Series! In today’s episode, I’m diving deep into disorganized attachment. The style that feels like craving closeness one moment and wanting to run for the hills the next. If relationships feel like emotional whiplash, if you’ve ever felt “too much,” “too complicated,” or like you become a different person when you’re triggered… this episode will help you understand why. As someone who lived this pattern for over a decade, this one is incredibly close to my heart.

Inside the episode, we cover:

What disorganized attachment actually feels like, why it shows up as emotional chaos, and the science behind your attachment system and survival system firing at the same time
Identity fragmentation and “shape-shifting”, why you lose yourself in relationships, and how to rebuild a cohesive, secure identity from the inside out
Cultural misunderstandings & the ADHD link, how society mislabels this style and why emotional regulation challenges feed into ADHD (and vice versa)

If you’re listening and thinking, “Wow… this is me,” or “This explains so much about someone I love,” please know this: you are not broken. Your nervous system adapted to chaos—and that means you can absolutely learn safety and become securely attached.

And hey, if you’re ready to actually do this healing work with guidance, structure, and support…

Now is the moment.

The Empowered.Secure.Loved Program is closing its application doors for the year, and this is truly your final chance to grab the Black Friday Offer before it expires. Once doors close, we do not know when (or if) enrollment will open again in 2026.

If you've been feeling that nudge—Should I do this?—this is your sign.

Apply now, get a spot while you still can, and start 2026 with real hope, real support, and real transformation.

👉 Apply to Empowered.Secure.Loved™ now — applications close soon!

🔗 Additional Episode Links:

Take the Free Attachment Style Quiz → https://drmorgancoaching.com/quiz
Follow me on IG → @drmorgancoaching
Grab my book: Grab my best selling book Love Magnet

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to the Let's Get Vulnerable podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Morgan Anderson, psychologist, relationship coach, attachment theory expert, creator of the ESL relationship method, author of Love Magnet and Athletic Wear Connoisseur. My mission is to help you raise yourself worth, have great relationships, and step confidently into the next level of your life.
0:21.6	Each week, two episodes will air featuring expert advice, live coaching, and tips, showing
0:27.6	you exactly how to improve your life and attract a healthy relationship.
0:31.6	You deserve to feel empowered, secure, and love.
0:35.8	Buckle up and let's get vulnerable.
0:41.4	Welcome to the Let's Get Vulnerable podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Morgan. I am very excited about
0:48.4	this episode today. We are talking about disorganized attachment. What does it look like behavior-wise? What does it feel like?
0:58.7	The roots of disorganized attachment. We'll talk about the link between ADHD and the
1:05.3	disorganized style. And then we'll also talk about cultural context. I've been loving that piece in this series.
1:12.8	So this episode, if you have a disorganized attachment style, you will feel so seen. I think
1:20.0	this will help you really deeply understand what is going on in relationships. Because honestly,
1:26.0	this was my style for over a decade of my life. And I can just
1:31.9	remember feeling so, so frustrated. And honestly, I was kind of critical and mean to myself.
1:41.4	And just like, why are relationships so hard for you? Get it together. What is wrong
1:47.7	with you? You're so bad at relationships. There was so much criticism that came from not understanding
1:55.1	myself. So I know there are a lot of you out there that have that same criticism towards yourself right now.
2:02.1	And my hope is that this episode helps you lead with understanding, with compassion, right?
2:09.7	Through understanding and compassion, that's how we can change.
2:13.6	So I'm really excited for you to hear this episode.
2:16.6	This will also help you if you've ever dated
2:18.8	anybody with disorganized attachment or you have anybody in your family. This is honestly something
2:24.3	that I wish everyone understood because people with this style get really mislabeled. And I feel like there's so, there's so many people that are hurting that have this
	...

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