According to The New York Times, a former newspaper, the FBI has uncovered new scandalous information,

detailing how Brett Kavanaugh pulled the girls' pigtails when they were both five years old.

Anonymous sources close to the case informed anonymous sources close to the Times that anonymous

sources within the FBI have spoken to anonymous sources who know someone who is there at the time

and say that Kavanaugh's vicious assault on this innocent child left her crying and traumatized

right up till snack time. While police did not press charges in connection with the incident,

the New York Times interviewed a psychologist who said that studies show all men who eventually

rape women were once five-year-old boys, thus creating one more link in the chain of evidence

that the New York Times will write anything and doesn't care how much it embarrasses itself.

New York Times reporter Angela Screamy-Pants wrote the expose for the Times after she was hired

away from her job, running the George Soros Funded Foundation, destroyed the United States,

and killed everyone in it, starting with conservative Supreme Court justices in order to make a better world.

It's the D-U-S-K-E-S-C-S-C-J-O-M-B-W.

Some said this association may indicate bias on the part of the reporter, but Times board members Sarah

kill all white men, responded, quote, bias, what bias? Kill all white men, unquote. Times editor-in-chief

blithering, blithering provocation the third defended the peace against those who read it and

laughed hysterically until their stomachs hurt and they could do nothing but lie curled up on their

sides. Mr. Third said, quote, it is way past time that all the little girls who have had their

pig tails pulled be heard complaining endlessly about it. Because of this newspaper, we believe

if it happened to one woman, then every conservative must also be guilty for some reason I can

entirely explain, unquote. The Times says it will continue to investigate Kavanaugh's past

until every last shred of its former reputation for journalistic excellence is gone.

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