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Slack.com slash DHQ. Stormy Daniel says Donald Trump's sexual apparatus looks like

Toadstool from the video game Mario Kart. For those of you who've never played Mario

Kart or had sex with the president, Toadstool is a smiling mushroom with red spots on his

cap. And of course, it makes sense that he's smiling if he's having sex with a porn

star, though the red spots may be indicative of a serious venereal disease. This important

story broke around the same time as a former writer for Sesame Street announced that famous

Muppet pals Burton Ernie are gay. This is also an important story because it's essential

that children who are learning letters and numbers from the Muppets should simultaneously

be able to imagine them committing sodomy. Otherwise, they might just go about their

business being children while neglecting to affirm the lifestyles of people who feel bad

about themselves. Muppet Master Frank Oz, who created

Burt says that rumors of Burt's homosexuality are untrue. Oz, who also created the character

Yoda in Star Wars, told reporters, quote, Burt and Ernie gay are not puppets they are,

don't any it be. End quote. Now, many of you may be thinking, why does celebrities need

to ruin our innocent pleasures by connecting them to their wayward sex lives? Do we really

have to watch Bugs Bunny and think about how his two ears remind us of a pair of lesbians

engaging in unspeakable acts? Or am I the only one who does that? Okay, never mind, forget

...