EP 561: They Don’t Actually Need “Time”: The Truth about Capacity

Let’s Get Vulnerable: Relationship and Dating Advice

Dr. Morgan Anderson

Mental Health, Relationships, Society & Culture, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness, Education

4.6 • 1.1K Ratings

🗓️ 14 July 2025

⏱️ 35 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

🥳 Episode Links:

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In this episode, I’m getting real with you about something I see far too often; confusing desire for capacity.

Just because someone wants a relationship doesn’t mean they have the tools, healing, or emotional availability to actually maintain one. I break down the difference between desire and capacity, how your attachment style impacts what you tolerate, and the importance of reality testing and emotional self-awareness.

We also explore why healing your past is non-negotiable if you want secure love, and how your self-worth sets the foundation for what you allow and attract in relationships.

Inside today’s episode:

You can deeply desire love and still not have the capacity for a healthy relationship—capacity requires healing, emotional availability, and secure attachment.
Actions always speak louder than words—someone's behavior will tell you everything you need to know about their readiness.
Self-worth is the foundation for choosing partners who are capable, attuned, and aligned with your needs; secure attachment begins with you.

If this episode spoke to you, it’s time to take ownership of your healing.

🩵Click Here to Apply Now to the Empowered.Secure.Loved. Relationship Program 🩵

🔗 Additional Episode Links:

Take the Free Attachment Style Quiz → https://drmorgancoaching.com/quiz

Follow me on IG → @drmorgancoaching

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to the Let's Get Vulnerable podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Morgan Anderson, psychologist, relationship coach, attachment theory expert, creator of the ESL relationship method, author of Love Magnet and Athletic Wear Connoisseur. My mission is to help you raise yourself worth, have great relationships, and step confidently into the next level of your life.
0:22.3	Each week, two episodes will air featuring expert advice, live coaching, and tips, showing you
0:28.4	exactly how to improve your life and attract a healthy relationship. You deserve to feel empowered,
0:34.8	secure, and love. Buckle up and let's get vulnerable.
0:41.9	Welcome to the Let's Get Vulnerable podcast.
0:44.4	I'm your host, Dr. Morgan, and today we are talking about that tricky situation when someone
0:52.0	tells you they need time.
0:56.8	When they say, oh, you're great, I'm really enjoying getting to know you. I just need some time. I just need some space. Let's take a break. We're going to
1:04.6	talk about what is really going on. How do you handle this? How do we look at this from an attachment
1:10.4	style lens? And really,
1:13.5	truly, I want to help you get to this place where when that happens, you are navigating it in a
1:19.9	securely attached way. So all of us have been here, right? I mean, I was thinking about, I have a very extreme example of this
1:30.3	from when I was dating, gosh, probably mid-20s, I want to say 24, 25, somewhere in there. My dating
1:38.6	life's kind of a blur during that phase of my life. But I was dating this person long distance.
1:45.1	Already some yellow flags there when we're doing long distance dating.
1:49.4	It can easily speak to that person that isn't emotionally available.
1:53.7	Nonetheless, I was believing that this person was all in.
1:58.2	I was having this little whirlwind romance you know we're talking hours on the
2:03.6	phone together very very passionate engaging talking about life and all all the things our careers
2:13.5	our families like very very vulnerable deep connected conversations with this person. So here I am
2:21.6	thinking we're building this great relationship, right? And there was a day where I did not hear
2:29.9	from this person, which was very unusual because we had been texting nonstop. We were always in
	...

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