EP 557: Avoidant Isn’t a Dirty Word: How Blame Blocks Healing and Why You Shouldn’t Try to “Get Them Back”

Let’s Get Vulnerable: Relationship and Dating Advice

Dr. Morgan Anderson

Mental Health, Relationships, Society & Culture, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness, Education

4.6 • 1.1K Ratings

🗓️ 30 June 2025

⏱️ 46 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

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I’m fired up about this one. There’s so much noise online about avoidant attachment—so many posts shaming people for needing space or teaching you how to “get the avoidant back.” And honestly? It’s damaging. In this episode, I’m breaking down what avoidant attachment really is, where it comes from, and how blame blocks healing—for everyone.

Avoidant attachment isn’t the villain. It’s a response to deep pain, often from early relational trauma. And when we reduce people to labels or chase them to validate our own wounds, we miss the bigger picture. If you’ve ever felt hurt by someone with avoidant patterns—or if that’s you—this episode will shift your perspective and bring some compassion into the healing process.

Three Key Takeaways:

Avoidant behaviors are rooted in past trauma, not personal rejection—they’re about survival, not a lack of love.
Secure attachment is something we learn—and modeling it (instead of blaming or chasing) is how we create safety and change.
Online advice that triggers urgency or shame is often just manipulation in disguise—real healing means tuning into your own emotions, not trying to control someone else’s.

Ready to break the cycle for good?

If you’re done with blame, confusion, and relationships that leave you feeling empty, apply now to the Empowered.Secure.Loved. Relationship Program. Inside the ESL program, you’ll get the tools, support, and healing you need to become securely attached and attract the kind of love you truly deserve.

Apply to the E.S.L. Program Here

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to the Let's Get Vulnerable podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Morgan Anderson, psychologist, relationship coach, attachment theory expert, creator of the ESL relationship method, author of Love Magnet and Athletic Wear Connoisseur. My mission is to help you raise yourself worth, have great relationships, and step confidently into the next level of your life.
0:22.3	Each week, two episodes will air featuring expert advice, live coaching, and tips, showing you
0:28.4	exactly how to improve your life and attract a healthy relationship. You deserve to feel empowered,
0:34.8	secure, and love. Buckle up and Let's Get Vulnerable. Welcome to the Let's Get
0:43.5	Vulnerable podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Morgan. And today's episode is one I've been wanting to do
0:49.7	for a while. I think you will really appreciate this. We're going to talk about avoidant attachment
0:56.0	style. And I'm going to talk about some of the myths surrounding avoidant attachment and just really
1:04.0	some of the things that drive me crazy that I see online. I think this episode will be really
1:09.8	informative for you. Whether you have avoidant
1:13.3	attachment style or you are someone who experiences disorganized style where you have both anxious
1:20.1	and avoidant tendencies, or you have anxious attachment and maybe you find yourself in relationships
1:26.5	more often than not with people who
1:29.6	have an avoidance style, this episode will be very, very helpful. I wanted to just give a
1:37.9	quick shout out to all of the women who are inside of the empowered, secure, loved program, it is amazing getting to
1:47.9	watch their growth, watch the way that they're showing up. We have these live group coaching
1:55.8	calls together and I have just been blown away by the way that they are really doing the work,
2:02.0	supporting each other, being vulnerable.
2:05.1	It is such a gift for me to be able to be part of the journey.
2:10.7	And I just kind of am in this place now of realizing that it has been five years, five years of the brand, five years of the
2:23.2	empowered, secure, loved program, five years of the podcast, you know, over, over five years.
2:33.3	And I'm just, I'm just blown away by all of the people that
2:37.9	we've helped, the thousands of people that this show reaches every single month, and just kind of
	...

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