The California City of Santa Barbara has passed a new ordinance that could result in

waiters being put in jail if they give customers a plastic straw.

I love satire, big overbearing government.

Oh wait, this is a true story.

The new ordinance makes each individual straw distributed a separate violation with penalties

up to a thousand dollars a piece and six months in jail.

California lawmakers said the ban on straws and other plastic utensils will have no impact

on pollution since western countries caused very little of the plastic pollution in oceans,

but they just wanted to mess with people by showing them how powerful they were and how

little they cared about the choices or convenience of individual human beings.

The legislator also said the ban would be good for public morals by keeping Archie and

Veronica from drinking out of the same malted while cartoon hearts danced around their heads

and it would also be really funny to watch handicapped people try to reach their cups until

they fell out of their wheelchairs.

After making those remarks, the legislators broke into maniacal laughter and had to be carried

away in straight jackets.

In a straw poll, 46% of respondents said the straw law was the last straw.

32% said it was the straw that broke the camel's back.

17% said it was straw dog staring, starring Dustin Hoffman and 2% said it just sucked.

Nonetheless, the lawmakers said those arguments were mere straw men and they refused to bend

on the issue because they didn't have those little ridges that make bending possible

and are also fun to pull out and press in like an accordion.

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