EP 543: Is it a Trauma Bond or real Compatibility? : 5 Key Questions

Let’s Get Vulnerable: Relationship and Dating Advice

Dr. Morgan Anderson

Mental Health, Relationships, Society & Culture, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness, Education

4.6 • 1.1K Ratings

🗓️ 14 May 2025

⏱️ 32 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Are you in a relationship that truly supports your growth—or are you stuck in a cycle that feels familiar but leaves you emotionally depleted? In this episode, I’m walking you through the essential questions to help you determine if you’re experiencing genuine compatibility… or if you’ve unknowingly bonded through unresolved trauma.

Inside the episode, you’ll learn:

Why feeling “intense chemistry” isn’t always a good sign
How to spot red flags rooted in trauma bonding
The difference between “working through challenges” vs. surviving emotional rollercoasters

The importance of emotional attunement and shared values

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Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to the Let's Get Vulnerable podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Morgan Anderson, psychologist, relationship coach, attachment theory expert, creator of the ESL relationship method, author of Love Magnet and Athletic Wear Connoisseur. My mission is to help you raise yourself worth, have great relationships, and step confidently into the next level of your life.
0:22.3	Each week, two episodes will air featuring expert advice, live coaching, and tips, showing you
0:28.4	exactly how to improve your life and attract a healthy relationship. You deserve to feel empowered,
0:34.8	secure, and love. Buckle up and Let's Get Vulnerable. Welcome to the Let's Get
0:44.1	Vulnerable podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Morgan. Today's episode is a juicy one. We are going to go
0:51.4	into how do you distinguish between real compatibility versus a trauma
0:57.4	bond. I've talked about trauma bonds before and we'll go a little bit more in depth today.
1:02.8	I just wanted to give you something that was real world applicable. These are the questions
1:08.4	you need to ask yourself when you're deciding, okay, do I want to continue to invest my emotional energy into this relationship?
1:16.8	Or is this an unhealthy connection? Because there's nothing more frustrating than looking back on a relationship and realizing that you should have left months ago,
1:29.5	that maybe you invested time, energy, spending holidays with the person, building all these
1:36.6	memories, and then realizing I should have never been in that relationship in the first place.
1:41.9	And here's the deal. We have to remember self-compassion.
1:47.9	You can only make decisions based on what you know. So this is not a way to judge yourself for your
1:54.9	past, right? You do the best that you can with the knowledge that you have. So let's forgive ourselves for the time
2:01.8	that was wasted in relationships that were not meant for us because ultimately it's still learning,
2:09.0	right? It's not actually wasted if you're learning. And at the same time, we're going to use today's
2:14.6	episode to help you equip yourself with the questions you can ask
2:20.4	so that you're not wasting time with the wrong people. And then investing into relationships
2:27.0	that, you know, worst case scenario are causing you emotional damage. They might even be impacting
2:33.8	your physical health, your mental
2:35.6	health. I don't want that for you, right? You deserve relationships that add value to your life,
	...

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