Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO late-night series Real Time with Bill Maugh.

Start the clock.

Thank you very much. Thank you, my fake studio audience.

I love to see you all in your smiling faces.

What can I say? It's August, and I'm still here at home.

I haven't spent this much time in my yard since I used to have to grow my own weed.

I miss my old life. I got to tell you, this time of year I used to always be like in the Midwest doing stand-up gigs on the weekends.

And God, I missed it. Today I called up the Westboro Baptist Church and asked if they would come over and pick at my house.

But hey, let's look on the bright side. We got a great show. We got Chris Evans is on Captain America, and we're going to be talking about our president, the incredible sulk.

Oh yeah, he had quite a week, Trump, he had some disastrous interviews. They asked him about the high death tolls from COVID. He said it is what it is.

Yes, thanks president, shrug, Gamaji. I'm sure that looked better when Melania wrote it on the jacket.

He said, you know, his usual lit-dia crazy things. He said, the coronavirus will go away. Like all things go away.

Says the man who will not go away.

I'm starting to think something. If someone was paid to take his dementia test.

And he has been hammering away on Joe Biden's age. I love this. Don't vote for this really ancient guy who's three years older than me.

Democrats keep grumbling that Biden needs to be more visible. No, no, he needs to be more invisible. Don't fuck this up. This is working. This shit is working.

They announced this week, Biden will not go to Milwaukee at the Democratic Convention where there is none.

He will accept the nomination from home in Delaware. He will become the first official candidate to accept the nomination over webcam.

And very likely maybe the first to accept it without pants on.

Good. Keep him safe. Keep the idea of Joe Biden. That's what we really like. Let him, you know, do that thing where he does.

And watch him home. He says he's going to be watching from home on the state of the R 13 in CRT color television. He takes such pride in it.

But yeah, it's going to be an interesting night when he accepts the nomination. His wife Jill is going to get up on a ladder and drop a balloon.

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