Many of you have become angry at the daily wires attitude towards soccer.

And I want you to know, I understand there are two sides to this issue.

On the one hand, there are those who feel soccer is a decadent third world non-sport pushed

on Americans by a sinister left wing cabal, hoping to feminize our culture by drawing us

into a specified exercise in which underdeveloped men wearing girly shorts run back and forth

over an open field for no apparent reason, unable even to use the hands God gave them, but

reduced to kicking a ball that represents the goat's head they would probably use in their

own backward culture until by some apparently random chance they actually insert the object

in the goal in a pitiful half-imitation of manhood that makes it possible for a nation

with a GDP of $17 to all but accidentally defeat a country that could wipe them off the face

of the earth simply by sneezing too hard.

On the other hand, there are other people with other opinions.

Let me be clear, we here at the Andrew Klaven show support the right of all people

including you communist sexual perverts who wish to watch soccer in the copious spare

time you have in lieu of jobs.

We just think the sport could be improved somewhat by allowing the players to pick up the

ball in their hands, like men, then maybe they could bounce it over a hard surface until

they use their superior strength and size to leap over the opposition and drop it through

a net only a little larger than the ball itself.

That way there would be more scoring and the players would look like LeBron James instead

of P.W. Herman just saying, I hope this brings our two sides closer together, though not

too close together.

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