The New York Times, former newspaper, says it has obtained a list of questions that special

counsel Robert Mueller wants to ask President Trump as part of his investigation into imaginary

collusion with Russia during its completely ineffectual attempt to rig our election, which

is very important because I have my new name.

The Times reported that Mueller had as many as 50 questions he wanted to ask the president,

including some questions like where do you get those great red ties and what club do

you use off the fairway on the fourth hole at Mar-a-Lago that do not appear to have anything

to do with Russian collusion, but since that's imaginary anyway, the special counsel figured

he might as well get a few golf tips in while he was at it.

But there are also some important and possibly tricky questions on the list, including question

17.

If you had colluded with Vladimir Putin, what would you have said to him and could you

please speak slowly and clearly into the potted plant while you're answering and if possible

do a Russian accent?

There's also question 23, where's the collusion talk you smarmy lowlife or I'll smack you

with this phone book again?

Question 36.

If I admit I've been wasting the public's time and money, would you give me a job in your

administration?

Trump's lawyers say they are weighing whether to allow the president to answer Mueller or

to sneak him out of the White House through the Rose Garden disguised as a Chick-fil-A delivery

guy.

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