Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO late night series Real Time with Bill Maugh.

Thank you, thank you. I really... thank you. I need that tonight. I really do. I...

because this week I can't, I just can't. I'm gonna tell Dog and Cat jokes. I just...

I mean, I have heard the phrase, people say, that this guy would lie about the weather.

I didn't think I'd ever see it literally, and not from the president. I'm so glad football is back,

because finally some brain damage we can actually enjoy. Yeah, there was season...

football season started last night, the Bears against the Packers. Mike Pence said he is not gonna watch that game.

He said, oh, well, you had to make this crap. Wow, that's right. Well, those of you in the Midwest,

the punchline is Bears Packers, that's too gay. See, these people know about this. Anyway, Mike Pence...

Mike Pence spent all week in Europe. This is the side scandal to the weather scandal.

See, Trump was supposed to go to Europe to commemorate the 80th anniversary of the start of World War II in Poland.

He decided he couldn't go because we needed his giant brain to monitor the storm that was about to hit Alabama.

So...

So, Pence went, and the first up Ireland, Pence stayed 200 miles from where his meeting was,

because he had to stay in a Trump hotel. And, you know, Trump hotels, very different from regular hotels,

when you call down to Room Service for Ice, a team of immigration police show up and throw you out of the country.

Anyway, Trump did not go on the trip. He said he couldn't yet have monitored the storm, and he went golfing.

And the storm, Dorian, okay, it was... it looked like it was about to hit Florida. It was barreling right toward Florida,

and it just stopped over the poor people in the Bahamas. It was like, you know, that's like 50 miles away.

It was heading right toward Florida, and it just looked at Florida and went, no.

We're not fucking with Florida. I'm sorry. I mean, we've seen Hurricanes turn. This is the first one that pretended it was on its phone.

So, America got lucky. We missed the worst of it. The Carolinas got a lot of rain, half a million people in the Carolinas are totally without power.

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