Here's another listener.

essay.

This is Infants on Thrones.

Listener essay. listener Welcome back to Infants on Thrones. I'm Glenn Ostland and today's listener essay comes from

Jim and is titled, Is it I? Now if you want to vote for this essay and give some private feedback to the author

visit our website I'll give you the form letter pre-recorded detailed message at

the end of the episode today but for now take it away

Jim.

The following is an excerpt from an undelivered letter I wrote to my wife in 2013. In it I was trying to articulate

why I was so stressed out and down at the time. Quote, I think the real root of the problem is that I feel

like my testimony is slipping away. Am I depressed because I don't have a testimony? Or do I not have a testimony because I'm depressed? I don't know. I've had a strong testimony since high school. It's incredibly unnerving to feel your entire

foundation crumbled beneath you. You know when Alma says if you have experienced a change of

heart and felt the singing song of Reding love, I would ask,

can you feel so now?

My answer is no, I can't feel it.

I try to feel it, but it's gone.

And even if I did feel it, I would doubt the feeling

because what is that feeling is it the

holy ghost or some biological response that happens to show up sometime sometimes

sometimes it shows up when I read the scriptures or go to church and sometimes it doesn't.

Sometimes it's there and sometimes it's not.

Sometimes I feel like it's telling me to do something and I do it and it works out wonderfully.

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