This coaching call is about being in a similar pattern when it comes to dating and relationships. Today's caller, Trish, longs for a committed relationship but doesn't understand why she has a pattern of choosing emotionally unavailable people. She asks for guidance on how to choose the right person.

 

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode420].

 

So many of our relationship challenges come from our parental issues from our childhood. Not all of them, but a lot of them. As children, we want to be loved, feel safe, and validated by our parents.

 

When we have a parent whom we don't get everything we want, or need from, we settle for the best they can do, even though it's not fully what we want. We often end up not being empowered in relationships. Because there's still that little inner child part of us who believes that we should just take what we can get. But, every soul seeks to evolve.

 

Evolution is moving away from judgment, away from limiting beliefs, and into love. The only way we can move away from judgment and limiting beliefs is to have them right in our face so that they're painful enough for us to look at. Isn't life wonderful the way it works? So often the relationships we draw in are triggers and activators to look at the stuff from our childhood that we haven't fully healed.

 

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you someone who maybe has been married or has been in many relationships and you find yourself with the same outcome?

• Did you grow up feeling like you wanted more from both or one of your parents and you never really got everything you wanted?

• Are you grieving a recent breakup and blaming yourself or wondering what you did wrong?

• Are you constantly working on yourself to try to attract a better relationship?

 

Trish's Question:

Trish is frustrated that she chooses men who are emotionally unavailable or incapable of choosing or loving her.

 

Trish's Key Insights and Ahas:

• She's done personal development work.

• Her parents divorced when she was one year old.

• She didn't feel her father's love.

• She didn't spend time with her father.

• She knows she has a lot to offer a partner.

• The men she chooses don't recognize her value.

• She can be guarded in relationships.

• She longs for a committed relationship.

• She doesn't date a lot.

• She doesn't want to be alone.

• She doesn't show up empowered in the early stages of intimate relationships.

• She doesn't want to get hurt.

• She ignores red or yellow flags early in relationships.

• In her last relationship, she believed their core values were aligned.

• She knows it is not her job to be a man's savior.

 

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Drop the belief that she has a bad picker.

• Have clear conversations about what she wants early in a relationship.

• Empower herself by not being a victim of her circumstances.

• Give herself the time and space to heal.

 

Takeaway:

• What choices and what states of being can you embody to step into empowerment?

 

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

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