EP. 402 | That Listener Mail Episode: “Open Top Bus For SECOND Place!” - Our Most HEATED Games Gone?
That Peter Crouch Podcast
Tall or Nothing
4.4 • 2.5K Ratings
🗓️ 13 May 2026
⏱️ 62 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
On this week’s episode of That Peter Crouch Podcast, Pete, Sids and Chris dive headfirst into one of the wildest Listener Mail episodes yet — and absolutely nothing is off limits. From pink eye, polyps and footballers wearing makeup on live TV… to whether finishing SECOND deserves an open-top bus parade, the lads somehow manage to cover it all.
There’s chaos as the boys debate if modern football has officially gone soft, including refs with trendy haircuts, xG nerds, shirt-off celebrations, and whether heading could eventually disappear from the game entirely. Plus, a listener’s all-time “Games Gone” rant sparks one of the funniest football debates they’ve had in ages.
Elsewhere, Pete reveals his secret childhood career working in his grandad’s butcher shop, the Wealdstone Raider officially dumps Chris for Crouchy, and there’s an unbelievable story involving someone legally named after the entire 1979 Liverpool team.
The lads also react to bizarre old-school footballer tweets, discuss marathon punishments for the Football League, rank Aussie icons in a “Down Under Vanarama,” and preview the FA Cup Final with the help of Chris’ wife Ria — who might actually be better at predictions than all three of them combined.
It’s listener mail at its absolute finest: ridiculous football chat, nostalgia, complete nonsense, and plenty of classic pod chaos.
Chumbawamba
00:00 - Intro, makeup chat & Chris’ pink eye reveal
03:15 - Polyps, bllocks & why the lads do this to themselves
04:27 - Fans listening to the pod on the London Underground
05:12 - Shin pad injury update & the listener who got slashed
06:02 - Does SECOND place deserve an open-top bus parade?
07:18 - Playoff winners vs automatic promotion debate
08:50 - The Wealdstone Raider officially dumps Chris
10:22 - Will the Wealdstone Raider come on the podcast?
11:45 - Sponsored Segment with England
15:52 - Download the England app!
19:01 - Listener Mail officially begins
19:21 - The unbelievable football shirt sent from Vanuatu
20:48 - The lads decide to give the shirt away
21:24 - Aussie caravans & the “Down Under Vanarama”
25:31 - Steve Irwin, Alf Stewart & Toadfish in a Vanarama
26:51 - Sids loses it at “Beanpole, Fire Pbes and One Ball”
27:18 - Serious chat about checking yourself & men’s health
29:31 - A listener legally named after Liverpool’s 1979 team
30:43 - Charlie Otway’s insane full name explained
31:58 - Marathon punishment ideas for the Football League
34:58 - The funniest accidental footballer tweets ever
36:44 - “Games Gone” mega-rant begins
37:11 - Referees with trendy haircuts debate
37:29 - xG, “big chances” & football nerd culture
38:19 - Shirt-off celebrations & VAR frustrations
39:00 - Why clubs keep buying young foreign players
39:20 - Is football removing physical contact from the game?
40:23 - Players showing personality vs media backlash
42:49 - Football League table update & Ria’s prediction success
45:24 - FA Cup Final preview: Chelsea vs Manchester City
47:42 - Paddy Power’s Minister of Mischief returns
49:32 - Has Chris replaced the listeners with his wife?
50:53 - Ria gives her FA Cup predictions
52:28 - The lads react to Ria outperforming them
54:30 - Why the FA Cup Final morning feels special
57:00 - Predictions: Man United vs Forest & Newcastle vs West Ham
58:37 - Paddy’s Boost selections
01:01:18 - Outro
The Official England squad drops May 22nd on the England App first - if you want to see who is making Tuchel’s squad download the app here :https://england.onelink.me/rgxW/lbj1at4b
And if you want to be in with a chance of winning an official signed England shirt - submit your selects in the Squad Selector by May 21st . #ad
For more Peter Crouch:
Twitter - https://twitter.com/petercrouch
Therapy Crouch - https://www.youtube.com/@thetherapycrouch
For more Chris Stark
Twitter - https://twitter.com/Chris_Stark
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisstark/
For more Steve Sidwell
Twitter - https://twitter.com/sjsidwell
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/stevesidwell14
#PeterCrouch #ThatPeterCrouchPodcast
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hello, welcome to that Peter Crouch podcast, me, Peter Crouch, got Sidd's and Chris with me. |
| 0:05.4 | Is everyone okay? |
| 0:06.2 | You had a photo shoot today, Chris did you? |
| 0:07.6 | I did, yeah. |
| 0:08.2 | Sorry, I'm wearing makeup in this. |
| 0:10.3 | There's a slight. |
| 0:10.9 | You look like you were glowing. |
| 0:13.5 | I did a photo shoot where I had to dress up, I think I can say, I had to dress up a load of 80s clothes. |
| 0:19.3 | Love that. |
| 0:19.8 | And it was for the new rivals show. You know, the new series of that. So do something with that. So yeah, it's one of those that's to turn up to the podcast. They managed to persuade them that I could get changed back into my own clothes. Because they were like, your cars, that's how you need to go, you need to go. But I couldn't bear the idea of turning up here in a load of 80s club. |
| 0:40.2 | I would like that. I would love that. Did they give the option to take it off? They did, but I just didn't have time. Love it. I do that. I'll keep it on. I keep it on as well, yeah. Yeah. |
| 0:52.2 | If I'd worn the 80s club, I would have been sat here. |
| 0:54.9 | You know, like David Brent when he goes on that day, and he's dressed in all the stuff, and it's a church meeting. I would have been that. I never really understood makeup, really, for when we do it. You know, we do it for T&T and things like that and TV. You know when we do it for T&T? Yeah. They'll sit in the chair, and I don't think there's any difference. I think they just do. Mainly the one that we get is anti-shine, isn't it? That's the anti-shine. And then they might just touch up a bit under the eyes if you've had a heavy couple of days. I don't think it's your job to look good. I don't think you need to. I think to say, I'm in radio. Do you know what I mean? It doesn't matter what you look like, I think. And then I think you can have too much makeup sometimes. but with you guys, I do think it's a bit odd. |
| 1:47.7 | It's like, I assume Martin Keone gets makeup. |
| 1:45.3 | They do. too much makeup sometimes. But with you guys, I do think it's a bit odd. |
| 1:47.7 | It's like, I assume Martin Keon gets makeup. |
| 1:48.1 | Yeah, he does. Yeah, he does. |
| 1:48.6 | That's a bit weird. |
| 1:50.3 | The worst part of getting makeup done when you're doing the tantrum and stuff is that |
| 1:55.6 | sometimes you're in a pitch and you've got a whole fucking stadium around. |
| 1:59.4 | And did the girl come over and do your makeup. |
| 2:02.1 | And you can hear everyone, |
... |
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