Hello, welcome back to Monocicle, a podcast by Man Repeller hosted by me, Leandro Medine.

In this week's episode, we're going to talk a little bit about self-sabotage, which is a condition I was recently diagnosed with.

Did I know I was a self-sabotageer? No. Did I think I could possibly be one? Absolutely not. Who would deliberately

fuck themselves over? Am I right? Can I get a heck yeah? Can I get a heck no? No? Okay.

Let's get into it because now's the time. You know what they say, right? They say now's the time,

which is why I just said that.

So, not to sound redundant or anything, but now's the time.

I was recently at my therapist's office, and he was asking what's going on, and I was like,

if you'd believe it, Steve, everything is going pretty well,

but I do keep coming back to this very strange sensation that overcomes me every two weeks.

And he was like, well, what is that? And I was like, right now I happen to be in like a pretty good

bout, but this thing will happen where I'm eating really well and I'm working really hard

and I'm not consuming very much alcohol and all of my ducks seem to be in a row and I feel very much in control and even if things aren't going well, they seem to be going well because I'm doing everything I can to ensure that they're going well.

And then like two or three weeks into this like very, very solid cycle, I will completely spiral in the other

direction. Like I will stop eating sprouted grains and go straight for the process bread. And I will

eat like haribou gummies in place of fruit. And then all of a sudden my heart starts beating

really fast. And I start to feel

like a scatterbrain and then to remedy it I'll drink like three glasses of wine and that is not the way

you remedy scatterbrain nor is it a very fastly beating heart and I start to feel like shit and then

my work is affected by that because I'm not treating my body well and I feel like I'm not really respecting myself.

And so I'm explaining this to my therapist last week and he's like, well, what word keeps coming up for you when you say this?

And I'm like, I don't know, laziness.

...