Ep 392 Parenting, Partnership, and Playing by Our Own Rules with Brian and Toby

Marriage Therapy Radio

MTR

Self-improvement, Society & Culture, Therapy, Health & Fitness, Marriage, Relationships, Mental Health, Education

4.6 • 690 Ratings

🗓️ 30 September 2025

⏱️ 44 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Zach talks with Brian and Toby, partners of 13 years, and dads of two daughters. They share openly about parenting, building a household on their own terms, and how their marriage has evolved through different phases, from dating in Manhattan to raising a family in Brooklyn.

Brian and Toby talk about splitting household roles, setting expectations, and creating rules that bring freedom instead of friction. They also share how growing up gay shaped their ability to design a marriage without traditional templates, why openness and honesty fuel their intimacy, and how they balance parenting with maintaining fun and connection.

Key Takeaways

Parenting in phases – From toddlers to elementary-aged kids, parenting shifts from hands-on care to emotional presence, and Brian and Toby embrace each new stage.
Custom rules reduce conflict – Alternating mornings, dividing domains like kitchen and bedtime, and setting an “11 a.m. rule” help keep household harmony.
Gay marriage breaks the mold – Without pressure to follow traditional timelines, they built their relationship with more freedom and intentionality.
From secrecy to openness – Their open marriage evolved from “don’t ask, don’t tell” to full transparency, deepening their trust and intimacy.
Compersion in practice – They highlight how celebrating a partner’s happiness, whether in rest, personal pursuits, or relationships, can fuel closeness.
Shared values of planning and fun – Their natural organization and commitment to joy give their family structure and spontaneity in equal measure.

Guest Info

Brian
Co-host of the Dads and Daddies podcast.

Toby
Executive producer and co-founder of an animation production studio.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	Hey, everybody, welcome. And thank you for listening to this episode of Marriage Therapy Radio.
0:05.5	My name is Zach Brittle. I'm here today with Brian Ruben Sowers and Toby Ruben Sowers. They are a married couple out of New York City.
0:13.5	Brian is the host of the Dads and Daddy's podcast, which I was delighted to learn about. But we just talk a little bit about what it's like to be them.
0:22.5	It's cool.
0:23.2	They're a gay couple, they're raising daughters.
0:25.3	They have clarity about their roles, about their relationship.
0:29.2	I learned a lot.
0:30.2	You're going to learn a lot.
0:31.2	I'm just really grateful to have them on the show.
0:33.1	Hey, I'll remind you as well that if you are listening in or near New York City or Philadelphia
0:38.4	or Northern Virginia, I'm going to be in Philadelphia doing a relational life therapy boot camp
0:44.5	at the first weekend of November. That's November 8th and 9th. If you shoot me an email,
0:49.0	I'll get you an early bird discount before October the 12th. And I would love to have you come
0:53.4	join us. Again, the best way to do that is to shoot me an email info at marriagetherapyradio.com. For now, I hope you'll enjoy hanging out with Brian and Toby as much as I did. This is one of those episodes that I just had a ton of fun. I hope we can still be friends. This is a very cool conversation. Stick around. What is your podcast? It's dads and daddies. Oh, stick around. What is, what is your podcast?
1:12.0	It's dads and daddies.
1:14.0	Oh, right on.
1:15.4	And it's me, I'm the dad.
1:17.9	And then my co-host is a daddy in the, he says, in the spiritual and sexual sense.
1:22.9	And we're both gay men of a certain age.
1:26.1	My co-host is 42.
1:27.3	I'm 51. And it's about being gay men, you know, over a certain age, but still being sexual beings. And, you know, we're both in open marriages. We talk very openly and honestly about that. My co-host is also in recovery from Crystal Meth and Alcohol Addiction, so he speaks very openly
1:46.1	and honestly about that.
	...

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