This is Annie Grace and you're listening to this naked mind podcast where without judgment,

pain or rules, we explore the role of alcohol in our lives and culture.

Hey, this is Annie Grace and welcome to this naked mind podcast. I'm here with Emma. Hi, Emma. How are you?

Hi, Annie. I'm super good. Thank you. How are you? I'm doing really good. It's great to see you.

So, um, why don't you kind of walk us back to sort of the beginning of your drinking journey? Where did it all start for you?

Yeah, sure. So I look, I grew up in a mixture of the UK and Africa, very much in the sort of 80s, early 90s, not to age myself too much, but very much the culture and the way I was brought up was that we all drank.

We drank from our sort of mid teens and I was always kind of the life and soul of the party and I didn't really have a, like, I didn't really have a notion of being out and being and socializing or meeting boys and all those things without without drinking.

So I pretty much drunk without any issue, it seemed to me I had really, really good jobs. I work for some of the biggest companies in the world in London and

we went up through the ranks and constantly we were drinking so we'd go out every night and go to the pub and, you know, and, you know, my weekends were basically hanging out with my friends either in the winter there would have been inside and outside in the summer and drinking and having a good time.

And then I moved to Australia and I had two babies.

And I carried on working for big international corporations and I was living a really hectic life, very, very stressful.

I didn't see my kids very much at all.

I drank every night pretty much. I took up running so that was a good thing. So I held down a big career.

I was healthy, I was running, but I was drinking, you know, and I was drinking a lot and I'd got to a point where my world revolved around alcohol to the point where I couldn't actually do anything or enjoy anything that didn't involve alcohol.

And I'd just be like, I didn't want to do it.

I don't know what there was nothing wrong with this for a really long period of time and I just thought this was how life should be.

And then, yeah, and all my friends drunk, and it was just very, very much part of my life and never questioned it just literally thought that was, you know, how all the fun people were.

And then I got to about 44 and I experienced a really bad burnout at work and had to stop working for a bit because I was really sick from it.

And was it visible or how did that, how did that mean and fast for you?

It was as I can relate to certain aspects of your story.

I just think my body and my mind were completely exhausted. I had no time for my kids. I was constantly in that mum guilt. I never had them ready for the activity day. I was the mum who dropped them off at 7 a.m. and picked them up at 6 and most of the time I was working when I got home as well.

So, yeah, it was how it manifested for me was I just had a bit of a breakdown. I just couldn't, I had a panic attack and I couldn't go in anymore.

...