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Marriage Therapy Radio

Ep 358 Dr. Emily Nagoski and Richard Stephens

Marriage Therapy Radio

MTR

Self-improvement, Society & Culture, Therapy, Health & Fitness, Marriage, Relationships, Mental Health, Education

4.6690 Ratings

🗓️ 4 February 2025

⏱️ 55 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

In this episode of So I Married a Relationship Expert, Zach and Laura sit down with renowned sex educator and author Dr. Emily Nagoski and her husband, Richard Stephens, to discuss how Emily’s expertise in sexuality and relationships intersects with their personal lives. Emily, known for her groundbreaking books Come As You Are and Burnout, introduces her latest work, Come Together, which focuses on sustaining sexual connection in long-term relationships.


The conversation explores Emily and Richard’s journey as a couple, from their serendipitous meeting on OKCupid to navigating challenges such as perimenopause, long COVID, and the demands of collaborative intimacy. Emily shares insights into her “emotional floor plan” model, which maps how emotions like care, play, and lust interact in relationships, offering couples a practical framework for enhancing connection and pleasure.


Richard provides a refreshingly candid and humorous perspective on life with a relationship expert, highlighting the importance of playfulness, empathy, and teamwork. Together, they normalize the struggles that even the most informed couples face, underscoring that expertise does not eliminate life’s challenges—it simply offers tools to address them. Whether you’re looking to deepen intimacy or better understand the dynamics of long-term relationships, this episode is packed with valuable lessons, heartfelt stories, and laughter.


Episode Highlights:
  • Emily and Richard’s Love Story: From meeting on OKCupid to their early days as a couple, they reflect on how their shared values and collaborative mindset laid the foundation for their relationship.
  • The Emotional Floor Plan: Emily explains her innovative model for understanding how emotional states influence sexual connection and how couples can use this framework to foster intimacy.
  • Navigating Life’s Challenges: The couple discusses the impact of perimenopause, chronic illness, and other life events on their relationship, sharing how teamwork and humor helped them persevere.
  • Insights from Come Together: Emily introduces key concepts from her new book, emphasizing the importance of pleasure over desire and the role of collaboration in overcoming relational obstacles.
  • Empathy and Playfulness in Relationships: Richard shares how his lighthearted approach complements Emily’s intensity, creating a dynamic that fosters connection and resilience.


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Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Hey, gang, welcome back to you Marriage Therapy Radio and the next installment of So I Married a Relationship Expert,

0:08.3

which is a not-so-s subtle nod at So I Married an Axe Murderer, one of my favorite movies to quote.

0:13.8

I watched it again over the weekend and forgot all about Phil Hartman, who, by the way, is a comic genius that we lost too soon. But he, what is he? He's the Alcatraz Guard. He says, my name is Ron Johnson, but most people call me Vicky. And then he gives Charlie and Paul the tour through Alcatraz, which is astounding. If you haven't seen that movie in a while, or if you've never seen it, I would encourage you to check it out. It's delight. Easy to watch. Fund a quote. Yeah, I'm into it. This episode,

0:43.6

we are talking to Emily Nagoski and her partner, Richard Stevens. I would say that no one has

0:49.3

affected my work around sex and sexuality more than Emily. What she has written, and if you watch her on

0:59.1

TED Talks, just really reframes what sex and sexuality ought to be, in particular for women

1:06.1

and for men who are in relationships with those women. Her partner, Richard, is a stand-up guy.

1:13.2

I've enjoyed getting to know him.

1:14.7

You will too.

1:15.6

It's refreshing to hear him talk because unlike the partners that have been featured on the podcast so far,

1:22.0

he is not a relationship expert.

1:24.4

He's just a regular guy who is trying to make his relationship work in the

1:28.4

best way that he knows how. It's really fun to hear them describe it here. I think you will enjoy it.

1:34.2

Again, if you are looking for insights and input into how to think in fresh and new ways,

1:41.2

I can recommend Emily's books. I really enjoy talking to them. Laura and I

1:45.9

learned a lot. And just generally we're pleased to get their perspective. I think you will be too.

1:50.9

This is a very cool conversation. Stick around.

1:54.1

Emily is the first person that we've had back. Although we're working on a different little

1:57.2

project, which is I wanted to tell you about because now you're both here.

2:05.1

It's almost like a series that we're building and it's called So I Married an Axe Murderer.

2:07.2

You know, you actually did.

2:08.5

Not supposed to talk about that.

...

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