This is Annie Grace and you're listening to this naked mind podcast where without judgment,

pain or rules, we explore the role of alcohol in our lives and culture.

Hi, this is Annie Grace and welcome to this naked mind podcast. I'm here with Robbie. Welcome,

Robbie. How are you? Hey, I'm good. I'm so good to have you here. I'm really looking forward to this.

So why don't you just start at the beginning, back us up, let us know first drink early days, early interactions with alcohol stuff like that.

Yeah, sure. So, you know, while I was getting ready for this, I became aware that it's been a while since I've bared my soul, which I have no problem doing.

But there's, you know, I've been alcohol free for 18 months and the longer it goes, the more things make sense to me and things I discover that I can relate to alcohol and going way back, right.

So I became an impartial observer of my life and I could look at everything without the shame and the guilt and understand so much. So that's been, that's been everything for me, actually.

But as far as my alcohol story, so I'm going to look at my notes because I tend to be a really ecker and I don't want to get too far out.

We've got time.

So, yeah, in high school and college, I did not drink much.

And I, when I did, I got sick really easily. So I would go just huge chunks of time without even just being afraid to do it because I was like violently ill.

And what I have realized in thinking back to that timeframe that I can't believe I never actually made the connection with, but I also, I've been married almost nearly 30 years in November and I met my husband when I was 13.

When I was some in junior high and then we went through high school together and we stayed together through college and he never drank.

He just did not drink. He was super clean. Wait, you met and stayed with him since you were 13. Yeah, that's a whole nother podcast.

I'm just like sitting here thinking, I have an 11 year old who has been quite serious about a girl and I just in my mind, I'm like, never going to, you know, so.

I don't advise it, but it worked out alright. So, and what I have discovered has been super powerful me, powerful for me with my marriage. So, you know, he never drank.

And I had this group of girlfriends and we were all part ears, but I spent most of my time with him. So, I think that that's one of the big reasons why I didn't drink much in high school.

And then in college, I didn't do so well in college. I ended up dropping out a lot and moving back home and I had some real anxiety and depression and like drinking just wasn't part of the equation.

The other thing I realized, which just made me like fall in love with my husband again is that probably around when I was 15 or 16, he took me out to dinner. He was a couple years old and I was.

I got up the courage to talk to him about my house and what it was like in my house. And as far as I understood it, like I hadn't spoken with anyone about it, but I knew that my dad drank tons and that it made me really sad and frustrated.

And I had these, these girlfriends I had been friends with for years and I had four older siblings, but I had never spoken with anybody about it. And you know, knowing my husband like I do now, I think it was because I felt safe and I felt I'm judged and he didn't try to fix anything and he didn't have any ideas, but he just listened to me.

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