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Marriage Therapy Radio

Ep 340 The Art of Apologizing

Marriage Therapy Radio

MTR

Self-improvement, Society & Culture, Therapy, Health & Fitness, Marriage, Relationships, Mental Health, Education

4.6 • 690 Ratings

🗓️ 1 October 2024

⏱️ 53 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Laura shares her pride in completing a triathlon and Zach chimes in with his marathon experiences. The discussion transitions into deeper relationship topics, focusing on how to apologize effectively and, just as importantly, how to receive an apology.


Zach emphasizes that successful relationships are not just about knowing how to apologize, but also about knowing how to accept a partner’s apology. They explore common pitfalls in apologizing, such as using the word “but,” and highlight how defensiveness can block genuine repair efforts.


The hosts reference the work of Harriet Lerner and her book Why Won’t You Apologize? to guide their discussion on the do’s and don’ts of apologizing. Key points include avoiding justification in apologies, focusing on one’s own actions, and not using an apology to manipulate or silence a partner’s feelings. They conclude with reflections on the importance of patience and openness, particularly when building trust and navigating long-term emotional injuries.


Episode Highlights:

  • How to Apologize Effectively: Laura breaks down the steps to making a meaningful apology, emphasizing the importance of owning your actions and avoiding justifications that can diminish the apology’s impact.
  • Receiving an Apology: Zach explains how receiving an apology with gratitude is a crucial part of repair, allowing space for ongoing healing even if the hurt is not immediately resolved.
  • Avoiding the “But” in Apologies: Laura highlights how using “but” in an apology can negate the acknowledgment of harm and frustrate repair attempts.
  • Building Trust Through Repeated Repairs: The discussion emphasizes that long-term healing in relationships is only possible through repeated, genuine efforts to repair and demonstrate change.


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    Transcript

    Click on a timestamp to play from that location

    0:00.0

    Hey, everybody. Welcome. And thank you for listening to this episode of Marriage Therapy Radio.

    0:05.6

    My name is Zach. I'm here with Laura. Today we're talking about the art of an apology. It's a topic that's been on my mind a little bit.

    0:12.8

    I think there are some nuances in when and if and how to apologize, but also how to receive an apology.

    0:19.0

    Also, wanted to give you a reminder, kind of heads up,

    0:21.8

    that if you are interested in taking the relational life therapy relationship skills boot camp

    0:27.6

    with me online, now is the time to register. That is going to be October 19th and 20th. You can go

    0:36.5

    to marriage therapy radio.com, click on the kind of the

    0:38.8

    boot camp button that's there. This is a workshop offered by the Relational Life Foundation.

    0:43.1

    There are benefits for those of you who may be needing some financial help, but you're going

    0:49.0

    to want to get registered now. And again, it's coming up pretty fast. So if that's of interest

    0:53.0

    to you, then go over and take a look. Also, again, it's coming up pretty fast. So if that's of interest to you, then go over and

    0:55.0

    take a look. Also, again, thank you for hanging in there with us. Thanks for supporting our Patreon.

    1:02.2

    We are committed to rolling out new and interesting content. We've got some behind the

    1:07.0

    scene and stuff going on. There's the interviews. My interview with Rebecca came out last week. That was interesting to have that out in the world. So if you're interested in hearing that, again, you can go over to MaristadubureRadio.com and click on the Patreon option there. But if you just want to hear about apologies and how to make them and how to receive them. This is a very cool conversation. Stick around.

    1:29.6

    I was going to burp.

    1:30.9

    I had a burp.

    1:31.7

    I had a full-on Diet Coke burp, like ready to go, but I swallowed it.

    1:38.4

    I am curious what stories my son is going to tell about me because yesterday I had such a giant burp and I

    1:44.7

    pulled like I was like holding come here and I went like I was going to whisper at his ear

    1:49.4

    and I belched so loud and he was mortified he was like mom I could literally feel like

    1:55.2

    little bubbles in my ear like you sent it directly into my ear of Yeah, buddy. I'm disgusting. You're welcome.

    2:03.9

    Hey, um, we just did a little behind the scenes bit, but I want to, before you prompt me,

    ...

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