And so if you're not having deep conversations, you don't actually know what's going on, even if you're around them a lot.

What's up, guys? Welcome to another five-minute fatherhood. So we are now in part three of a six-part series on stage-based parenting.

We talked about the comforter stage, the coach stage. Today we're going to

talk about the counselor stage. This is ages 12 to 17. These are kind of the teen years that a lot of

people dread, but this is a great stage for parenting. It's just a little more complicated. So what's

happening in this stage is that kids, oftentimes, they are becoming a lot more

complicated.

And so you have used maybe systems in the previous stage.

And then you're noticing that because children in this stage think more abstractly, they

can see things from multiple perspectives, they become much more self-conscious, they begin to resist some of the kind of really clear

trainings, and they oftentimes, it'll look like they're reverting. But what's happening oftentimes

in this stage is they are beginning the journey of making these beliefs and practices

of their own, as opposed to just responding to your systems or your

thoughts. And so that's not a bad thing, but it can be a challenge for sure. And so we call the

style of this stage, low control, high accountability. So what you want to do is give your children

enough leash in this stage to make a lot of decisions, but check in with them in very sort of heart, like heart-based

moments in order to be counseling their heart. And that's really what's happening. You're trying

to win their heart. That's the goal of the stage. And so you're allowing their experiences in

life to really drive them to deeper wisdom, better understanding of who

God is, why the gospel matters, and a deeper relationship ultimately with you as well.

And so in order to do that, you have to have those heart to hearts. Our favorite tool

for this stage is the one-on-one. And so what you want to do is if your children have had lots

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