Ep 307 – Unrighteous Dominion: The Smackdown

Infants on Thrones

Personal Journals, Society & Culture, Philosophy

4.6 • 1.1K Ratings

🗓️ 25 September 2016

⏱️ 160 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Should LDS Bishops ask 7-year-old children if they “touch themselves” or if they show their private parts to others? Jake, Matt and Glenn dramatically and critically re-enact a real live secretly recorded bishops interview with a real live secretly recorded bishop. If you believe that Prophets instruct Apostles, and that Apostles instruct General Authorities, and that General Authorities instruct Stake Presidents, and that Stake Presidents instruct Bishops, and that Bishops instruct Elders Quorum presidents and Relief Society Presidents, then you probably don’t need to worry if you are ever in a car accident. And you would also certainly fail in a game of Six Degrees of God (i.e. Kevin Bacon). The reddit link with the original source material can be found here: Masterbation now a question for 8 year olds in the Baptismal interview. from exmormon

Transcript

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0:00.0	The When I was 8, H4 plus 4, baptism in a view, Bishop shut the door.
0:25.0	Son, if you skate upon thin ice,
0:30.0	then you'll hurt Jesus, and that's not nice.
0:35.0	What I'm saying is after you're baptized, don't ever touch yourself.
0:41.0	I look straight, down to the floor. You mean I can't do that no more?
0:50.0	But my dear boy you're only eight so let's make this clear don't off you skate.
1:02.7	Just how many times have you touched yourself before.
1:08.2	One times eight is eight.
1:10.9	Two times eight is 16. Three times 8 is 8 is 16 3 times 8 is 24 4 times 8 is 32 and 5 times 8 is 40 you know
1:21.7	hang on so you've done this about 40 times.
1:25.0	6 times 8 is 48.
1:27.0	7 times 8 is 56.
1:30.0	8 times 8 is 64.
1:32.0	9 times 8 is 8 is 74, 9 times 8 is 72, and 10 times 8 is 80, that's true.
1:38.0	Oh wait a minute, I was talking about when you eventually hit puberty.
1:41.0	11 times 8 is 88, 11 times 8 is 88.
1:43.6	12 times 8 is 96.
1:47.2	I just love to get off all these cool new tricks
1:49.9	because 12 times 8 is the same as 10 times 8 plus 2 times 8 80 plus 16 is 96
1:57.0	I just hope you haven't done this with anyone else or with your pets you haven haven't, have you?
2:04.0	One times eight is eight, two times eight is 16,
2:09.0	three times eight is 24,
	...

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