This episode is about the parts of ourselves we develop to meet our needs and protect ourselves. Today's caller, Emily, didn't have her needs met as a child and her protective strategies are still active in her life. We work through the understanding that even things we may not like about ourselves, or get frustrated by, are things that have positive intentions and are trying to help us.

 

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode302]

 

We all can be hard on ourselves, especially those of us who have a lot of awareness and have been doing personal development and healing work. Sometimes we get frustrated with ourselves and find ourselves doing things we think we should know better than to do. Or, we know the reason we are doing something but we can't seem to change it and we judge ourselves.

 

We have different parts of ourselves that develop over time to protect us and meet our needs. It's important to be compassionate with these parts, welcome them, and seek to understand them, rather than shame them. That's when we start making progress.

 

Compassion and acceptance are absolutely necessary if we want change. So often we go after change by being hard on ourselves, by being judgmental, by being critical or too analytical and we don't love the parts that are hard to change. But, when we love, accept, and seek to understand them we release their influence over us.

 

I have a great course for those who want to be coaches or those who want to learn more about personal development. Unleashed is a program I did in collaboration with Ever Coach from Mindvalley. I teach you the 4 Levels of Coaching Mastery for Maximum Client Impact. Go to  ChristineHassler.com/unleashed for more information.

 

Consider/Ask Yourself

• Are there habits you have or ways you act that frustrate you? You don't like them, you judge them, and you want to change them.
• Did you grow up feeling wanted and really seen?
• Does it matter to you to matter in the world? Do you want to be relevant and sometimes question if you are relevant?
• Even if you logically know you are worthy, do you sometimes deep down, or maybe not even that deep down question your worth?

 

Emily's Question:

Emily is looking for guidance on how to break the habit of feeling unworthy.

 

Emily's Key Insights and Ahas:

• She keeps a mood log.
• She is defensive, even over small things.
• She expects people to treat her poorly.
• She feels irrelevant and unworthy.
• As a child, she didn't feel wanted or seen by her parents.
• She felt she was taking up space with all of her emotions.
• Her sensitivities are a gift.
• She's a people pleaser.
• It calms her to ask for help and support.

 

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Learn how to nurture and care for her needs.
• Promise herself to ask for more of what she needs.
• Become aware of when she is defensive and thank it for helping her be seen.

 

Takeaways:

• Be curious about your "parts" and behaviors that have positive intentions.
• Consider how you can get the positive intentions in a different way.
• Compassion and curiosity are your superpowers.

 

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

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Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

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