The Academy Award nominations have been announced, and you know what that means, that's right.

An industry spiraling into irrelevance will attempt to appease a news media spiraling into

irrelevance by celebrating irrelevance films that have already been forgotten by anyone

who is not irrelevant because of course only irrelevant never forgets.

But it also means something else.

It means it's time for the Andrew Klaven show to nominate the best films that were not

made in 2016 or ever.

Yes, these are movies that were never filmed, shown, or even conceived of in Hollywood,

and yet managed to garner an audience only slightly smaller than Oscar nominees Moonlight

and Manchester by the Sea put together, which would be Manchester by the Sea under the Moonlight,

which no one saw either.

First up for best never made film is EPA DOA, an environmental thriller in which an insane EPA

bureaucrat races to save Californias endangered fish by diverting water from Californias

endangered human beings.

The evil environmentalist is finally defeated by a rag tag band of outcasts and minorities,

which is to say conservatives working in the movie business, who get together to write

a script about the evil of man-made climate change, then roll the script up in a cylinder

and use it to beat the EPA bureaucrat into unconsciousness.

Another nominee for best unmade film is the journalism saga, all the previous presidents

men.

Robert Redford and Dustin Hoffman play a 127-year-old reporter in his deceased sidekick,

who sent out to write a history of the Obama administration only to find themselves swept

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