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Democrats are meeting today to discuss their future

in the aftermath of an election that reduced the party

to a steaming pile of scrap metal and tears.

A study group which includes every Democrat

who still holds elective office will gather

in the children's party section of the McDonald's

on Route 90 outside Watertown, Massachusetts,

and will pool their remaining Wall Street donations

to buy enough happy meals so that every two elected officials

can split one between them.

The Democrats plan to discuss how to continue

as a political party when virtually every tenet

of their philosophy has been rejected by the American electorate,

some of the suggestions that are on the agenda

...